Beat a level without dying. "Eight million corpses in this level...and you're not one of them."
Watch the credits. "Hey...aren't they the guys who made that cool noir detective game?"
Beat game on Maximum Hazard. "You've done this before, haven't you?"
Beat game on Major Hazard. "Well...at least you didn't have it set to 'Easy...'"
"What? No multiplayer? Sigh. Well...not like we can take the achievement back NOW...."
Beat the game on Minor Hazard. "Sure you won...my GRANDMOTHER could win on 'Easy!'"
Meet Quentin. "DUDE!!!!!"
Defeat Wally Wellesley. "Like I said..."
Kill three Testers with one grenade launcher shot. "Test the grenades: check!"
Defeat Sting Sniperscore yet AGAIN in Level 7. "I. Have had. Enough. Of YOU!!"
"What do you mean the interrogation feature was cut?!? Here...just take the achievement."
Defeat Altos Tratus. "Forecast for the next level: no more clouds."
Collect 20 Master Shields. "It's not like I was afraid of dying...I just wanted the achievement!"
Get a kill with every available gun. "The developers put all those guns in the game for a reason..."
Defeat the Tentacle Beast of Tramm. "One-two shot right to the tentacles."
Get 50 Energy Pistol kills. "Blaster? I hardly know 'er!"
Get 50 Plasma Rifle kills. "Plasma rifles. They're not just for Space Marines anymore."
Escape from Dexter's mansion. "I gotta get me a house like THAT!"
Collect 20 Hazard pickups. "Maxx Karnage...sounds like a cool action hero name."
Score 20 single-shot Zombie kills. "Don't these things usually hang out in shopping malls?"
Defeat Sting Sniperscope again in Level 3. "Your present ends now. Again."
Blow up 50 explosive objects. "Hey...I didn't pay for 'em. Why should I care?"
Get 50 Sniper Rifle kills. "Zoom, pow! Right to the moon."
Defeat General Neutronov. "From Hazard, With Love."
Don't let any dance bots die in Level 2. "Do dancing robots dream of disco sheep?"
Get 50 AK-47 kills. "They might be socialists, but they make a pretty good gun."
Get 50 Shotgun kills. "That was a blast!"
Get 50 Dual-Wield Six-Shooter kills. "Now all we need is the spaghetti..."
Kill a Bandit from behind with a melee attack. "Good for you. Coward."
Get 50 Hazard pistol kills. "Frag you."
Shoot 30 potted plants. "Just sittin' there, bein' all green and stuff. They were askin' for it!"
Shoot and destroy 30 fire extinguishers. "Extinguishers. They're not just for fires anymore."
Destroy 20 cover objects. "I know it's a waste of ammo...but I LOVE that de-rez effect!"
Blast all hanging beef. "Udder destruction? Steaking a claim? Beating your...I can go on all day."
Kill all butcher shop enemies with headshots. "You're not PAYING for ammo. Feel free to use more."
Defeat Sting Sniperscope. "Your present ends now."
Kill an enemy with an explosive and take damage. "It'll hurt me more than it hurts...never mind."
Score 100 headshots. "Don't lose your head! Oh...too late."
Score two headshots with one bullet. "Eat lead...both of you!"
Get 50 SMG kills. "You would think this one would have been automatic. Get it? Automatic? Nothing?"
Defeat Sonny Tang. "Sonny, YOUR ass is kicked!"
Score 50 headshots. "That's using your head!"
Perform 10 single-hit melee kills. "In Hazard Land, the hand can be used like a knife."
Kill 25 enemies using blind fire. "Sorry. Didn't see you standing there."
Score 20 headshots. "A shot in the head is worth two in the chest."
Get 5 melee kills in a row. "Not as fast as shooting...but it sure is satisfying."
Complete all of the in-game tutorials. "Like I had any choice..."
Defeat an enemy using melee combat. "I don't need a stinkin' gun to deal with YOU!"
Pause the game. "Hey...come back here and play!"
"Thanks for buying my game. I'm sure you'll enjoy it. -- Sincerely, Matt Hazard"
